My Blackest Heart
by MylovelyDamon
Summary: Damon and Elena's conversation after the motel scene and their run-in with Kol in 3x19 based on the original lines of dialogue. 'Heart of Darkness' indeed!


_"Why don't you let people see the good in you?"_

_"Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations."_

He becomes aware of dimly echoing voices floating inside his head... little pieces of conversation seem to be drifting back to him, and even in his pain-riddled state, they seem to push him gradually upwards and out of blearly unconsciousness as one name lances through his mind like a stroke of lightning.

_Elena_.

His eyes fly open; with his forearms braced against the floor, he's crouching on the on all fours, the left side of his bleeding face bending up towards Kol, who looks ready to strike out and send the massive fire poker into his ribs all over again.

Despite incoherent sensations of pain and brief flarings of back stars dancing behind his eyes, Damon pushed himself on his hands, every nerve in his body tense and coiled for attack. At the same time, his senses become acutely aware of the faint stirrings of the slender figure slumped against the wall next to him, and he can see Elena trying to protect herself from the splinters of glass raining down around her, cutting into her face.

* * *

_Some minutes later..._

"Are you okay? You're bleeding," Damon asks softly as his hand passes over her wound and gently touches the left side of her face.

Elena gives a weak, reassuring smile and puts her hand over his, "I'll be fine."

"Good," Damon breathes.

They gaze at each other for a moment, Damon's face shining with unaffected concern and tenderness.

All too soon, though, Elena pulls her hand from his, the tips of her fingers grazing the outside of her ear shakily, as she slowly turns away, no longer able to meet his eyes.

A flash of pain crosses his face. Blinking confusedly, Damon stares at her back, his mind struggling to process yet another unexpected reaction. He just can't make her out. One minute she's right there - finally connecting with him on every possible level - and the next he feels more far away from her than ever...Given everything that happened between them in the last 24 hours, he expected something else...something different that would prove to him once and for all that she was his as much as he was hers. Instead she fell back on her old routine of shutting him out just when he thought that things were finally starting to become clearer between them.

As for him, he isn't sure what he feels right now. What is the appropriate response to a lifetime of dreams finally coming true in one night? Elation? Suspicion? Qualified distrust? He just knows that he has never felt more scared in his life, never been more afraid of a woman's rejection, than at this very moment.

"What are you doing?" He tries for brave nonchalance, but his voice comes out more like a soft moan.

Elena turns back guiltily, "What do you mean?"

Damon gestures vaguely around the room, "This trip? ...You kissing me." He narrows his eyes at her warily as something painful tightens in his chest.

"What the hell is this?"

Elena inwardly braces herself, knowing there's no way around telling him the truth. A short beat and then, "Stefan thinks that I have feelings for you."

"Oh," Damon falters, his eyebrows crinkling together. "Do you?"

She looks up, surprised by his bluntness. "_I _don't know."

A quiet "hm" escapes his throat, followed by a deadly silence that seems to ring in the darkened space between them.

He studies her, eyes turning hard as all of his old defenses come slamming back into place. Whatever traces of affection may have lingered on his face are quickly smoothed away by the painful realization that he has once again been played by the woman he loves. Feelings of self-loathing and crushing disappointment wash over him, threatening to choke his heart, as he desperately fights to keep the emotion out of his face. He would not give her the satisfaction of seeing him broken, and he most certainly could not stand the pity he would undoubtedly see on her face.

Only the sudden tightening of his jaw and the grim set of his mouth give away how much her words have sent him spiraling.

Knowing Damon as well as she does by now, however, Elena chooses to keep silent, feeling instinctively that it would only cause him pain to hear her speak the truth. His mind, meanwhile, is working in overdrive, thoughts tumbling over one another to replay the last twenty-four hours of their trip.

Elena doesn't like what she sees reflected in his grim eyes and braces herself for the worst.

Damon fixes her with a stony look, contempt lacing his tone. "I guess you thought this little trip could help you figure that out, didn't ya?"

Elena starts to shake her head slightly. "No..-"

"Or maybe you were hoping I'll screw it up so I can just make the decision for you, am I wrong?" he challenges sardonically, his mouth twisting into an ugly sneer.

"Damon-"

"_AM I WRONG_?" he scowls, eyes burning like black smoke.

"It's what you do, Damon!" Elena blurts out, with a definite trace of alarm in her voice. He looks momentarily stunned, a mix of fury and incredulity passing over his face. Elena looks close to tears, but she pushes them back.

"You sabotage things, you-" she flounders as she gropes for the right words, her voice shaking, "I think about it every time there's a bump in the road, you _lash out_!"

Damon takes a step towards her, his anger momentarily forgotten. Elena can feel an intense heat emanating from him, the tension filling the space between them as his gaze locks onto hers, "What if I didn't? What if there was no bump?"

Elena looks up at him, her expression torn.

He knows he's put her on the spot, but he doesn't care anymore. Searching her face hungrily, he realizes how desperately he wants her to admit something – anything – that would make him not want to give up hope. But her eyes betray only one overriding emotion, and he knows it's fear of entering into a conversation that is potentially fraught with emotional landmines and pitfalls. His face falls with the realization. Elena watches sorrowfully as the glimmer of hope that briefly illuminated his expression dies out his face, leaving it stark and empty like a mask.

When Damon speaks again, his voice is thick with barely suppressed anger and emotion, "I'm sorry, Elena. This time I'm not gonna make it so easy for you. This time you'll have to figure it out for yourself."

He pushes past her, leaving her standing alone in the dark, ransacked room. Looking after him, she feels something break inside her and Elena stifles a sob as she numbly drags her feet around towards the door.

Slowly and with a heavy heart, she follows him out of the house.

THE END

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you liked this. It is no secret that I feel for Damon more than I have ever felt for Elena, and this scene really shows how much whiplash he gets for taking risks and putting his heart on the line.

Drop me a line sometime and tell me what you think. I'd absolutely love to hear from you! Also, check out my story "Sixty Shades of Red", which is my first attempt at writing fan fiction and does not borrow directly from the lines on the show.

~ xo Elena R.


End file.
